A pirate walks into a bar with a swagger, partly due to the grog he’s been drinking, and partly due to the ship’s wheel prodruding from his pants. The bartender looks up as this pirate enters, looks him over, shakes his head, and says, “You know, as a bartender I usually mind my business, but I just have to ask — what’s with the ship’s wheel in your pants.”

The pirate looks him in the eye, throws up his hands, and says, “Arr… it be drivin’ me nuts!”

Happy Talk Like a Pirate day, ye scalawags.